Carpe Diem!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


“The movie lives up to its name. It leaves you feeling blue.”
-Arundhati Mishra

“You’re a fool. Not the makers of the film. They are warning you through the title of the movie and you still go ahead and watch it!”
-Arundhati Mishra

Well, forget the fact that the film lacks a half decent script, its appalling that they have spent bucks to put this crap on the big screen when environmentalists are pleading for funds to protect the rain forest.

Now, before anyone in their sane mind even toys with the idea of watching this movie, let me tell you that you won’t just be killing time. You’ll be brutally axing two hours or more of your life, while those two hours helplessly battle with their end but only because you have paid money for the ticket you’ll decide to sit nevertheless for the air-conditioning while you finish your popcorn and that black aerated liquid that is bottled in the slum suburbs of Mumbai.
(I’m sorry I had to break this news harshly, but I’m sort of angry and it’s all because of the movie.)

Well, there are some things that will haunt me for a long time, before I can submerge this traumatic episode underneath the shelter of some wonderful cinema. To put you to speed, the movie is basically about Sethji (the coke-head with a hard-to-miss-protruding-belly, Sanjay Dutt), his lady love Lara Dutta (the very obviously bronzed and stunning girl who does nothing but hang around Sanjay Dutt’s arm in the Bahamas), Zayeed Khan who plays Sanjay D’s daft younger brother (because he doesn’t have any movies lined up for the rest of his life) and Akshay Kumar who is a filthy rich person living in a penthouse in the Bahamas, giving away Ducati bikes randomly and picking up chicks from nightclubs. Oh wait… there’s a villain too (forgetting the guy’s name). He abducts Lara Dutta. Schemes with Akshay k who, according to the evil plan is supposed to get Sanjay D to dive into the deep blue sea to fish out a treasure for them so they can become even wealthier. The schemers want Sanjay d to get to the bottom of the sea and get their stuff cause, “even the fish don’t know the sea like Sanjay D, who is the best diver in town!)

Err..just remembered there’s Katrina Kaif also in the movie. Well, there’s nothing to say about her except for she has really long legs.

The producers have paid a huge amount to Kylie Minogue to do an item number for the film. If I didn’t think she’s brave and cool for battling cancer, I would have to write a whole new page about how her career is going to the dogs and how hideous she looked while singing “get jiggy wiggy with you boy with Akshay K.”

Lara D was a good choice for the film. She did her job well. Got a lot of whistled from the rickshaw walas gaping at her cleavage in the movie hall. I think Sanjay D must stop doing so much coke and go on in life (when he’s outside the prison) driving his Audi Q7 around Pali Hill. Akshay K has acted well and could give a few tips to little Zayed (on how to get a good haircut).

So now I’m out of words. This whole exercise seems pointless now and I think I’ve let most of my anger out by now.

On another note: I also watched Kikujiro (Japanese). A good respite.
posted by phantasmagoria at 5:17 AM 3 comments